Coping with Change

Changing of the seasons marks a time of transition.  Although the calendar tells us that Fall has arrived, we still experience remnants of the season just passed while not yet quite fully ensconced into the new season.  This uncertainty can create mixed emotions.  For example,  we might experience confusion (as in “How should I dress today?  Can I plan an outdoor activity?”) or sadness (e.g., “I love summer! I’m sorry to see it go.”) and maybe a bit of anxiety (“What will winter bring? Am I properly prepared? I don’t feel ready.”)  Or all of the above and more.

In addition to changes in the weather and the scenery, each new season marks the passage of time.  We get so involved in our daily lives that we rarely recognize that we are changing along with the seasons.  That is, until something happens to remind us of that.  It might be something dramatic like a fall or an accident, or something more subtle like last year’s winter clothes not quite fitting anymore.  Sometimes it’s an illness or other physical change that effects us in ways we’ve not previously experienced.  Whatever it is, even when it’s right in front of us, we can still manage to get lost in denial.  We want things to be like they were.  Yet change is all around us.  At this time of year all we have to do is look out the window to see its manifestations.  Yet still we can’t believe that change is occurring within as well as outside.

Actually it shouldn’t surprise us that it’s difficult to see and accept change in ourselves.  After all, we’ve never before been as old as we are now – whatever age that is.  Even though we’ve witnessed aging in people around us, we can rationalize that it happens to others but not to us.  It’s also easy to believe that what happens to others won’t happen to us because we’re different.  And – yes – it’s true!  Each of us IS different and we all age in different ways.  That’s why I get a kick out of every interview with a centenarian.  The interviewer asks “What is the secret of your longevity?” as if the answer will provide some magic path that everyone can follow to get to the same place.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  As I’ve often said, we are all an experiment of one.  That applies here, too.  Just because one person can drink whiskey and smoke cigars daily and still live to be 100 doesn’t mean everyone can.  Everyone wants a magic bullet and a one-size-fits-all solution to every problem.  Unfortunately, nothing seems to work that way.  It would be nice if our medical system would acknowledge that fact, but that’s another subject.

Since change is constant and inevitable, we each need to find our own individual way to cope with that change.  Those of us who are accustomed to regular activity often find this particularly difficult, but it’s difficult for anyone used to doing things a certain way.  Realizing that what used to be easy is now more difficult or even impossible can be a bitter pill to swallow.  But looking back at some mythical “better” time or wishing things hadn’t happened the way they did won’t change the way things are.  As difficult as it may seem, the best way to accommodate any new reality is to adapt.  This doesn’t mean giving up.  It simply means finding a way to accept the changes.  That’s not to say that this is easy.  But if you want to have any peace of mind, it is necessary.

So with the changing of the seasons, perhaps it’s a good time to take stock of how you’re handling the changes in your life.  And change is happening whether you realize it or not.  Further complicating matters, every change differs from any change that occurred before.  So perhaps an intervention that worked before no longer has the same effect.  You might have to try a different approach. This, too,  is reflected in the seasons. Fall comes every year, just like daylight comes every day.  Yet each Fall, like each day, is different from the one before.  And what you did last Fall or even yesterday might not work today, even when you’re addressing the same problem.  If you look back through the seasons of your life you will be hard pressed to find two seasons, or two days, that were exactly the same as the one before.  Think about it.  Memory is faulty but if you reflect honestly, you’ll see that’s true.

Ignoring change won’t make it stop and going back in time is not possible.  Moving forward with our lives from this point in time is the only option.  No matter how bleak things look, there is always something positive in this moment.  After all daylight came and you’re still breathing.  That’s something positive!  Maximize what’s positive right now and remember that change is constant.  Whatever you’re experiencing today will change tomorrow.

 

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