Our Over-Scheduled Lives

My husband was lamenting today the fact that nothing can be spontaneous anymore.  Everyone is over-scheduled.  He called some friends of ours to see if we could manage to get together some time next week.  Of course, he first had to check with me to see what my schedule would allow before suggesting potential dates and times to our friends.  It probably will not surprise you to learn that we could not find a time next week that was available to all of us.  In order to get together we would need to make a plan and find a date and time at some point in the future.  We would need to put the event into our calendars and make sure to generate reminders so we would not forget about it.  Then we would need to hope that we could get to that date and time without unforeseen obstacles intruding between now and then.

Short of finding an available future meeting time, my husband noted that since someone had answered his phone call, they must be home now.  So would it be possible for him to stop by now or some time this afternoon?  Once again, not surprisingly, the answer was “Sorry!  We’re expecting company this afternoon”.  Yikes!  What complicated lives we all live.  It’s no wonder that so many of us are plagued by the constant notion that there simply aren’t enough hours in the day to do everything we think we need to do.

All of this can create stress.  By now all of us have heard that stress can create all sorts of health problems.  In a recent edition of the Daily Insight newsletter from Yoga Journal, physician and Yoga Journal medical editor Timothy McCall warns that stress may also fuel chronic illnesses, such as obesity, diabetes, and heart disease. “If you are continually stressed, you leave the door open to a variety of health conditions,” McCall says.

But then he goes on to say that a regular, consistent yoga practice can help.  Another edition of the Daily Insight gives the following related suggestions:

. . .  as we become busier and busier, even the activities that bring us joy can feel like just one more thing to do.

So, how do we bring balance into our hectic lives? Often, we look for some external solution that can make us better, stronger, more spiritual, or happier. But the search itself can leave us feeling busier, more stressed, and ultimately, less fulfilled. The real key to finding balance is to focus internally and listen to what’s inside.

Achieving balance can be as simple as taking regular moments to connect with yourself. Do something that turns your awareness inward.

So how about making an appointment with yourself.  Give yourself time for your practice and treat it like you would any of the other obligations you’ve created in your life.  And – yes – you have created most of these obligations.  Of course, some of them are related to caregiving, employment or other chores, but you can still make time for yourself.  Consistency is key.  The more you stick to it, the more you will find that not only can you stick to it, but the rest of your life may even benefit.

As you do this, try dropping all judgmental terminology.  If you choose to join a class (always a good choice!) as your means of focusing on yourself and giving yourself some time to just be, avoid comparing yourself to others.  One more pearl of wisdom from the Yoga Journal:

. . . comparing yourself to others in the room or expecting unrealistic results from your body can cause suffering—but as the yogic sage Patanjali said . . . the pain that is yet to come can be avoided.

By gently allowing your body to discover . . . through different poses or variations, you remind yourself not to mistake who you are for how you should look in a pose—opening both your muscles and your mind along the way.

Each of us is unique and, although “one size fits all” solutions are offered to us on a daily basis by various media outlets, we are each an experiment of one.  No can tell you what will work best for you.  But tools can be offered.  How you choose to use them is up to you.   And your method of using a tool (or pose) may be totally different from someone else’s even when it is the same tool (or pose).  There is no right or wrong way.  There is only what works for you in this moment.  Subject to change at any time.  Be open to the possibilities.  You may surprise yourself.

Approaching Experiences Mindfully.

In a recent talk given by Jessica Morey at the Upaya Zen Center in New Mexico, the following story was recounted.  Unfortunately, there was no transcript so I can’t quote exactly, but you can listen to the podcast on Upaya’s web site.  Ms. Morey spoke of her teacher, Michele MacDonald, who was travelling and decided to buy a gift to bring back to her staff.  As an admitted “choc-aholic”, she thought chocolate would be an appropriate gift.  So she bought alot of it so that there would be enough for everyone on her recipient list.  As she was driving back home, she kept thinking about the chocolate and wanted to try some.  She soon realized that she really wanted to eat all of it.  She decided that she would, in fact, eat it all, but she would do it mindfully.  That night she ate every piece of the chocolate making sure to savor and experience every bite fully.  With each bite she experienced the feeling of craving, the brief relief of satisfaction, followed by a seemingly insatiable recurrence of craving. The process took several hours.  Satisfaction remained temporary and elusive.  Amazingly, she did not get sick, but she did learn some powerful truths about her “choc-aholism”.

This is not a practice that I would recommend.  However, there are some good lessons here.  We all have cravings with associated triggers.  Sometimes we can resist.  At other times we throw caution to the wind and spontaneously succumb to the lure.   Then, in order to avoid focusing on the fact that we’re doing something we know we shouldn’t do, we proceed as if in a trance to follow the siren’s call. What this story suggests is that if you must give in, try doing it mindfully.  Instead of trying to numb yourself to the experience and beat yourself up for it later (e.g., “the devil made me do it!”) try paying attention to the activity and really feel what it is doing for and to you.  Is it making you feel good?  Or bad?  Do you like the feeling, whatever it is?  Does the feeling last?  Is it giving you what you thought it would give you?  If it is, can you accept the consequences?

You could also apply this strategy to something you fear.  Or something you know you should do, but momentarily don’t feel like doing.  Like exercising or going to a class.  You wake up and think “I don’t feel good today.  I’m really tired and achy.  Maybe I’ll skip class today.”  Or you’ve been meaning to try a class, but today seems like it is just not the right day.  Fine.  Make that choice.  But try doing it mindfully.  Think it through.  Examine what’s truly in your heart.  What are you really feeling?  Are you afraid you won’t perform up to standards?  Whose standards?  Your own?  Or someone else’s?  Can you let go of perceived performance ideals?  Are you prepared to go through the whole day possibly regretting that you didn’t go to class?  Or maybe you really aren’t feeling well and need to take a day off.  Whatever the answer, try exploring your real emotions instead of mindlessly following your initial impulse.

You may decide that your fears are justified and deserve acquiescence.  But before you make that choice you may want to consider the following from Brene Brown (this from an interview with Krista Tippett on the APM program On Being):

“Vulnerability is courage. It’s about the willingness to show up and be seen in our lives. And in those moments when we show up, I think those are the most powerful meaning-making moments of our lives even if they don’t go well. I think they define who we are.  I think there’s something incredibly contagious and powerful about it. I think it makes the people around us a little bit braver and I think it helps us get very clear on the ideals and values that guide our lives.”

Approaching your life mindfully can be a very courageous choice.