Approaching Experiences Mindfully.

In a recent talk given by Jessica Morey at the Upaya Zen Center in New Mexico, the following story was recounted.  Unfortunately, there was no transcript so I can’t quote exactly, but you can listen to the podcast on Upaya’s web site.  Ms. Morey spoke of her teacher, Michele MacDonald, who was travelling and decided to buy a gift to bring back to her staff.  As an admitted “choc-aholic”, she thought chocolate would be an appropriate gift.  So she bought alot of it so that there would be enough for everyone on her recipient list.  As she was driving back home, she kept thinking about the chocolate and wanted to try some.  She soon realized that she really wanted to eat all of it.  She decided that she would, in fact, eat it all, but she would do it mindfully.  That night she ate every piece of the chocolate making sure to savor and experience every bite fully.  With each bite she experienced the feeling of craving, the brief relief of satisfaction, followed by a seemingly insatiable recurrence of craving. The process took several hours.  Satisfaction remained temporary and elusive.  Amazingly, she did not get sick, but she did learn some powerful truths about her “choc-aholism”.

This is not a practice that I would recommend.  However, there are some good lessons here.  We all have cravings with associated triggers.  Sometimes we can resist.  At other times we throw caution to the wind and spontaneously succumb to the lure.   Then, in order to avoid focusing on the fact that we’re doing something we know we shouldn’t do, we proceed as if in a trance to follow the siren’s call. What this story suggests is that if you must give in, try doing it mindfully.  Instead of trying to numb yourself to the experience and beat yourself up for it later (e.g., “the devil made me do it!”) try paying attention to the activity and really feel what it is doing for and to you.  Is it making you feel good?  Or bad?  Do you like the feeling, whatever it is?  Does the feeling last?  Is it giving you what you thought it would give you?  If it is, can you accept the consequences?

You could also apply this strategy to something you fear.  Or something you know you should do, but momentarily don’t feel like doing.  Like exercising or going to a class.  You wake up and think “I don’t feel good today.  I’m really tired and achy.  Maybe I’ll skip class today.”  Or you’ve been meaning to try a class, but today seems like it is just not the right day.  Fine.  Make that choice.  But try doing it mindfully.  Think it through.  Examine what’s truly in your heart.  What are you really feeling?  Are you afraid you won’t perform up to standards?  Whose standards?  Your own?  Or someone else’s?  Can you let go of perceived performance ideals?  Are you prepared to go through the whole day possibly regretting that you didn’t go to class?  Or maybe you really aren’t feeling well and need to take a day off.  Whatever the answer, try exploring your real emotions instead of mindlessly following your initial impulse.

You may decide that your fears are justified and deserve acquiescence.  But before you make that choice you may want to consider the following from Brene Brown (this from an interview with Krista Tippett on the APM program On Being):

“Vulnerability is courage. It’s about the willingness to show up and be seen in our lives. And in those moments when we show up, I think those are the most powerful meaning-making moments of our lives even if they don’t go well. I think they define who we are.  I think there’s something incredibly contagious and powerful about it. I think it makes the people around us a little bit braver and I think it helps us get very clear on the ideals and values that guide our lives.”

Approaching your life mindfully can be a very courageous choice.

Finding the Time to Practice

Sometimes we think we don’t have time to practice.  A better time will come when this finishes or that happens.

Here are some brief words of wisdom from Pema Chodron, an ordained Buddhist nun, prolific author and teacher:

The key instruction is to stay in the present. Don’t get caught up in hopes of what you’ll achieve and how good your situation will be some day in the future. What you do right now is what matters.

Another well-known teacher, Sharon Salzberg, cofounder of the Insight Meditation Society (IMS) in Barre, Massachusetts, puts this into a slightly different context.  In a recent article in Tricycle Magazine, she talked about her early days of finding a personal practice and how she went through a dilemma over which practice path to follow.  She writes:

In order to practice, we have to surrender, we have to take a risk. . . .Often the obstacle is fear: we don’t think we’ll ever succeed.

One of the strongest experiences that I had of this happened somewhat early in my practice when I was living in India. . . . Unable to decide between the two traditions, I would sit . . .and mostly I would just think, “Should I do this or should I do that?”

I wasn’t really learning a lot from my practice since I wasn’t really practicing much. I was mostly just thinking about which practice to do. Finally I said to myself, “Just do something. It doesn’t have to be a lifetime commitment, just do something for the sake of the doing, for the engagement, for the involvement.”

After much vacillation, I concluded, “Well, I’ll just do one form of practice for six months,” and that’s what got me into actually practicing. It’s not that one needs to do only one practice forever,  and I certainly haven’t.”

Years ago I recall speaking with a friend who claimed to want to quit smoking cigarettes, but always found some reason why now was not a good time.  For example, when we spoke her father was coping with advanced cancer and she was helping her mother attend to him.  She said, “Once this crisis passes, then I’ll quit”.  My response was, “There is never going to be a ‘right time’.  You just have to make up your mind and do it.”  This was no revelation of great wisdom on my part.  I was speaking from my own experience.  I, too, had been a smoker.  During a great crisis in my life, I came to recognize how important it is to take control of the things you can control while you can control them.  Many of us operate under an illusion that we are in charge of our lives, but there is so little we can truly control in this life.  Although smoking is an addiction, it was still a choice I was making.  One of the few things I really did have the power to control.  It took a decision and a daily commitment, but I did it – despite the emotional turmoil in my life at the time.

Another friend of mine who was a collector of rare books and ephemera used to speak longingly of spending more time exploring his passion.  Instead he continued to work at a job he disliked intensely because he thought it was something he needed to do.  Then one day he was afflicted with an aneurism and died suddenly.  He never got to do the things he wanted to do most while still on this planet.  This, too, was a lesson to me.  Life is uncertain, but death is inevitable.  We know it will happen to all of us, but we don’t when or how.  All we have is this moment, right now.  Sounds so simple, yet so hard to truly accept.

And, of course, all of this comes back to my passion for practicing yoga and Pilates.  Many of you have heard me say that we all need to move while we can move since we never know when we won’t be able to move anymore.  So rather than wait until _____________ (fill in the blank – you lose some weight, or the kids go to college, or whatever life issue is keeping you from doing what you know you need to do), as the commercial says “just do it!”  You will need to make a decision and re-commit each day.  But if you make that decision, you will find a way.  Start small.  A few minutes a day is better than nothing.  Consistency is the most important ingredient.  Just keep at it.  People often tell me that they wish they could do some of the things I do in class the way that I do them.  Here is a revelation:  I was not born knowing how to do these things. I don’t even have any particular talent or skill.   I could not do these things when I first started either.  But with regular practice I have learned that I am able to do much more than I thought I could.  Practice itself is an amazing teacher.

Notice I mentioned “decision”.  For me, this is the most important requirement for making it happen.  This was recently echoed in an interview on Sounds True with Snatam Kaur, an American singer who was raised in the kundalini yoga tradition.  She is the lead singer for the Celebrate Peace tours and has released eight records.  As a travelling musician with an international performance schedule who also recently became a new mother, she talked about how she maintains her practice despite an overwhelmingly busy and demanding life.  She said:

. . . after I had experienced having a baby and being on the road as a touring musician and my daily practice just kind of, you know, evaporated. . . . But then . . . I figured out my bottom line. And it was, I’ve got to have a half hour of yoga every day. And it was amazing. I made the choice in my mind, and then I was able to do it. I have to have a half hour. And then it was like time and space moved for me.

Just in case you are unable to relate to any of these situations and you are still feeling like your particular circumstances are unique, here are a few more words of encouragement and inspiration from and article in Tricycle by Thanissaro Bhikkhu, an abbot of Metta Forest Monastery and the translator of numerous Thai meditation guides:

In times of crisis, we often feel we don’t have the time or energy to practice, but those are precisely the times when the practice is most necessary. This is what we’ve been practicing for: the situations where the practice doesn’t come easily. When the winds of change reach hurricane force, our inner refuge of mindfulness, concentration, and discernment is the only thing that will keep us from getting blown away. . . . And we needn’t be afraid that this is an escapist shelter.  When the basis of our well-being is firm within, we can act with true courage and compassion for others, for we’re coming from a solid position of calmness and strength.

We may be powerless to change the past, but we do have the power to shape the present and the future by what we do, moment to moment, right now.

Amen to that!