The Mystery of Life

Easter is upon us.  Also Passover, Norwuz (Persian New Year),  and the Pagan celebration of Ostara.  And there is the Vernal Equinox and May Day and numerous other ancient traditions for recognizing the end to the dormancy of winter and the renewal of Spring.  The days are longer.  Even in the harshest of climates the temperatures begin to moderate.  New life emerges from the ground.  In this time of changing climate when daily weather details are particularly uncertain, Spring still comes.  The sun descends from our sky every evening and rises above whatever horizon we are able to view every morning.  This is the cycle:  life appears and disappears from our limited view.  We don’t know where life comes from or where it goes.  But we do know that it arises and passes beyond our control.  As George Harrison sang, “Life goes on within you and without you.”  Try as we may to effect the outcome, life does what it wants to do.

Certainly we as a species have improved the human condition.  We have recognized some causes of some diseases and found ways for some of us to survive them.   But new ones arise.  And even though people through the ages have hoped to claim otherwise, we still have no cure for death.  It faces every living creature on earth.  We don’t know why or what it means.  But we do know for sure that it will happen to all of us.  None of us know when or how.  This can be a source of great anxiety.  Or it can be a reminder that the life we are given through no merit or fault of our own is precious.

This past week a dear friend left this life.  He was a large strapping man who seemed to exude life.  Perpetually cheerful and generous he spread joy to all those he encountered.  No one who knew him could imagine him being sick.  Yet his illness came on suddenly and overwhelmed his human body in a very short period of time.  As some of you know I spent last year in treatment for cancer yet, for now at least, I have recovered.  So how does this happen?  Why does one life dissipate when another continues?  It’s not attributable to anything we understand.  Not talent, not genes, not strength or skill or pleading.  I refuse to use the war metaphors of “battle” and “fighting”.  It’s not about that either.  It just happens.   Accidents happen.  Illness happens.  Some bodies succumb; others survive.  Paraphrasing Alfred, Lord Tennyson, “Ours not to reason why; ours but to do and die.”

Of course I’m sad for those of us who remain here on earth having to continue to move through our lives without the physical presence of the friend and family member who is no longer with us.  Still I am so grateful to have been a part of his life and to have had him in mine.  At times it can be so difficult to remember to value those around us.  Everyone on this planet is just muddling through.  None of us knows what we’re doing here.  And that goes for every human being of every race, religion, gender or political persuasion in every corner of the earth where we exist.  It never ceases to amaze me how life in general, and people in particular can be found all over the planet in the most astounding circumstances. Once life appears, the instinct to survive is paramount and universal.

There are forces in the universe that we may never understand.  Yet somehow we need to find a way to accept and coexist with these forces as well as with each other.  Even if we somehow manage to tame some of these elements, we can’t make them go away.  We’ve all experienced losses of many types.  We fear disease, disaster and more loss.   The fear drives us to be suspicious of each other in the name of finding safety.  This is an illusion.  We all face the same challenges and mysteries.  But we are also resilient creatures who keep striving to find a way to make what we can work for us.  Maybe we can begin to recognize that same instinct in everyone around us even when the methods look different.  As humans we have an amazing capacity for cooperation.  Times of loss are an especially good time to remember cooperation works so much better than alienation.  Fear won’t save us.  But love can help ease the transitions.  My friend loved and was loved.  A noble legacy.

Looking for Life’s “Aha!” Moments

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There are times when you may find yourself in the middle of a class getting annoyed by what you perceive is your lack of ability.  You may start to lament letting yourself go or waiting so long to begin. Or you may start believing that getting older automatically implies loss of ability.  Or maybe you see what the person next to you is doing and start beating yourself up because you feel like you can’t do the same thing. This drumbeat can become a self-fulfilling prophecy; that is, saying “I can’t” means “I can’t”. Personally, I hate hearing the words “I can’t”. It’s amazing to me how easily we downgrade our abilities.  These negative thoughts can become what Sharon Salzberg refers to in a recent blog post on onbeing.org as “inner landmines”.  They can trip you up and derail your efforts before you even know what’s impacting you. Sometimes the attack can be so severe that it triggers thoughts of giving up.  It can even be the first brick in a wall of resistance that keeps you from believing that you can change. 

This is just plain wrong.  Recent brain research continues to prove that we are never too old to change.

If you find yourself in this type of negative spiral, it might help to stop and examine what is creating that resistance.  It probably has nothing to do with the person next to you.  It has much more to do with how you see yourself.  Instead of focusing on what you think is wrong with what you’re doing, how about celebrating the fact that you are there doing it. Think of all the people you know who give in to their inner “boogey men” and don’t even try.  Here you are making the effort.  That’s special!  You may think that effort isn’t perfect, but whatever you’re doing is better than not doing it at all.  Through the years I have seen (and I have had!) many “aha!” moments when something that seemed so elusive suddenly becomes clear and do-able.  Think of riding a bike.  Or that subject you took in school that seemed so opaque.  Whatever block you overcome, it soon becomes so effortless you begin to wonder what was so troubling.  I recently heard a description by a father of his son’s first steps.  The child took one step and suddenly his little face lit up when he realized he was still standing and could take another. Sure, he fell shortly thereafter, but it was enough success to inspire him to keep trying.

Maybe you have always downplayed your abilities.  Some of us have been raised to believe that this is a form of necessary modesty.  More often, though, these thoughts have morphed into demons that hold us back from trying new things or pursuing something we’ve always wanted to do.  Despite this self-directed negativity, most of us are capable of incredible compassion towards others.  It is not being selfish or even self-centered to believe that you are just as deserving of compassion as everyone else in your life.

So allow yourself some of the generosity you are so willing to bestow on others.  The first rule of yoga is “ahimsa” which is usually translated from Sanskrit as “non-violence”.  We are not capable of non-violence toward others until we first learn to be non-violent toward ourselves. Subjecting ourselves to “inner landmines” hardly qualifies as non-violence.  Even if you’re the only one that knows.

When you hit a wall with your practice remember the rule of ahimsa.  Be gentle with yourself.  Maybe you need to just stop, take a breath and try again another time. Or try making the best effort you can make at this time regardless of how far away from your ideal you think it might be. Either way you can’t lose.  Mindful effort is always better than not trying at all. And practice works. Keep trying and you will improve. You may never look like your neighbor but that doesn’t mean that you are not achieving the desired result.  Even when you think the results are less than optimum you’re probably improving more than you realize. Reward yourself for the effort you’ve made and smile!  Give yourself a break and applaud your achievement. After all, you showed up and that’s half the battle.