Curbing Judgment

 

One advantage to getting older – at least for me – is that experiences accumulate.  Through the years, just like all of you who are reading this, I’ve encountered many challenges.  Recently it has occurred to me that there is at least one positive result of living through difficult circumstances.  Each of them helps me to become less judgmental of others and of myself.  The word “never”, as in “I would never respond that way”, is gradually disappearing from my vocabulary as I loosen my grip on fixed ideas coming from years of conditioning. Increasingly the truth of constant change becomes more evident as well as how little in life is really under our control.

Even though we have similarities as human beings, we are all also uniquely different.  Each of us has our own individual characteristics as well as our own gifts.  There is really no “one size fits all”.   That also means there is sometimes no universal notion of right and wrong or good and bad.

Still we all want to do the “right” thing, even when we’re not really sure what that is.  And we are often quick to berate ourselves (or others) when we think we (or they) have gotten it “wrong”.   We often hold ourselves to impossible standards.  Some of this comes from all the things we’ve been told by others throughout our lives. Experiences of praise or punishment, consequences of actions we’ve taken or witnessed – all of these things contribute to the person we are today and the ideas we’ve formed.  We may no longer even know where those ideas originated, but they are part of us nonetheless.

Changing these ideas, or just finding ways to be open to new ones, can be really difficult.  Maybe, though, instead of being daunted by that prospect and giving up before even trying, we can learn to recognize this challenge as an opportunity for practice.  An article in Yoga Journal by meditation teacher Sally Kempton titled “Make Peace with Perfectionism and Make Mistakes” provides an example of one idea for this type of practice – retraining your inner critic.  The article cites Patanjali‘s advice to “Practice the Opposite” from Sutra 11.33.  The Yoga Sutras are a collection of verses describing yogic philosophy.  This practice suggests that you talk back to your inner critic.  So, for example, when you find yourself saying “I shouldn’t be doing this because I can’t do it right” counter this with “I can do lots of things right and my way of doing this is just as good as anyone else’s.”  Similarly, if you start to think “I can’t possibly survive this crisis” remind yourself that you’ve survived numerous crises in the past and you can survive this one also.  I’m sure you can all think of many other ways to try this out.  You might even find it interesting to come up with a counterstatement for every negative thought about yourself (or someone else!) that comes to mind.  Here’s another example:  “I keep forgetting to do this practice so I might as well give up”.  You can counter that with “I’ve remembered before and I can remember again.”  Each new moment is a new opportunity to try again.  Just recognizing that you forgot is a huge step in the right direction.  Give yourself a big pat on the back for that.

Recently when I mentioned to a woman that I am a yoga teacher, she said “I can’t do yoga because I can’t relax”.  All of you, myself included, can probably relate to that statement.  We all felt that way at some point when we were new to yoga.  Some of us may still feel that way. In fact, sometimes yoga itself can be stressful if we put too many expectations on ourselves.  Also I know many “Type A’s” who don’t like yoga because it’s “too slow”.  My response is “it’s a practice thing”.  The more you do it, the easier it becomes.  However, I also know that I didn’t always feel that way.  Finding it difficult to relax could be one more reason to keep trying.  But it could also be another example of how we are each different from each other.  We all need to find our own way to what will best serve us.

As I get older I’ve noticed that I’ve become more open-minded and less likely to automatically dismiss or condemn another point of view. That also has made me less likely to try to impose my opinions on anyone else.  My classes are a judgment-free zone.  Come as you are and do what works for you.  And if it doesn’t work for you, that’s OK, too.  Maybe the timing is not right or perhaps there is a different type of practice waiting for you down the road.  Just try to keep an open mind and remember that everything is always changing.  What you feel today may be different from what you feel tomorrow.

Mental Gymnastics

motivateMHPopti
Mental Gymnastics

By Peg Ryan
Mile High Pilates and Yoga

Custer, SD – Most of us already know that exercise can contribute to improved physical health.  Studies continue to demonstrate that even small amounts of moderate exercise can reduce or delay the risk of a variety of diseases and disease precursors including heart disease, stroke, diabetes, high blood pressure, and osteoporosis.  Exercise can also help sufferers manage back pain and depression.  Balance, flexibility and postural training can help prevent falls.

According to an article  from the National Center for Biotechnology Information although “compromised bone strength (osteoporosis) and falling, alone, or more frequently in combination, are the two independent and immediate risk factors of elderly people’s fractures . . .  of these two, falling, not osteoporosis, is the strongest single risk factor for a fracture.”  The article goes on to say that “in fall prevention, regular strength and balance training, reducing psychotropic medication, and diet supplementation with vitamin D and calcium have been shown to be effective.”  Another article from the British Journal of Sports Medicine echoes this finding:  “Exercise is effective in lowering falls risk in selected groups and should form part of falls prevention programmes.”

Exercise is not only an important to our physical well-being but it contributes to our mental health as well.  Recent studies , including one published in the Archives of Neurology, show a link between physical exercise and cognitive function.  ” ‘Our findings contribute to the growing body of literature that indicates the potentially beneficial relationship between physical exercise and cognition,’ Yonas E. Geda, MD, of the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn., and colleagues concluded.”  Another article  asserts that exercise may even reduce the risk of dementia in people aged 65 and older. According to these researchers:  “Regular physical exercise is an important element in overall health promotion and might also be an effective strategy to delay onset of dementia.”  Exercise in this case was defined as a physical activity in which the subject engaged for a minimum of 15 minutes at least 3 times per week. Seems like a small price to pay for a potentially big benefit.

The importance of exercise to the physical body should come as no surprise, especially to regular exercisers.  The bonus of improved mental health is similarly not unexpected among those who recognize that all systems in the human body are related and interconnected.  (And, yes, that means our teeth, eyes and feet are all contributors to our overall health despite the fact that our health care system considers them separate.  But that’s a topic for another day.)

What may be less well-studied, but no less apparent to active people, is that the converse is also true.  Lack of movement contributes to decline of many physical and mental functions.  Recently a participant in one of my classes was lamenting the fact that the decline seems to accelerate with aging and become that much more difficult to overcome.  This means that if we stop moving, it becomes that much harder to get moving again.  The less we move, the less we want to move so lack of movement ends up contributing to further lack of movement.  Nobody really knows why this happens, but one thing is certain.  It takes mental as well as physical strength to get back in gear.  This is the function of the Warrior in yoga.  It’s not about destruction or revenge, it’s about exercising courage and overcoming obstacles.

Most of the time, we create our own obstacles.  We are really good at making excuses for not doing the things we want to do.  Of course, we are only hurting ourselves by constructing these fences, but sometimes that gives us another rationale. We fall into a self-pity trap that begins “if only . . . ”  You can fill in your own blank here.  Examples, “if only I hadn’t gotten injured” or “if only I wasn’t overweight” or “if only the weather was better”, etc. etc.  You get the idea.

Here is one of the most common obstacles I find when people are trying to get back into moving:  “if only I could still do what I used to be able to do.”  This is simply imposing unrealistic expectations on ourselves.  The way things were will always be part of the past and unless someone invents some kind of time machine, we can never go back there.  All the lamenting and nostalgia in the world won’t make that possible.  Our old frenemy change will always come back to haunt us.  Nothing stays the same.  Change is constant regardless of how fervently we resist it.

So the best we can do is use the present to pave the way for the future.  There are no guarantees.  We can’t go back, but we also can’t see into the future.  Stuff happens and despite the pronouncements of various pundits and so-called experts there is no way to tell what will happen tomorrow.  But we can do the best we can to deal with what we are presented with today.  If you’re trying to start or get back into a regular movement practice, there is no better time than right now.  But you may need to get out of your own way to do it.  Instead of making excuses for why it is not possible, try to make it a priority.  Carve out the time just as you would if you were making an important appointment.  After all, what good are you without your health?  You can’t help anyone else unless you first help yourself. If you’ve ever flown in a commercial airplane you might remember the admonishment of the safety instructions:  put on your own oxygen mask first.  You can’t give what you haven’t got.  And we all have much to give.  Instead of fixating on what you can’t do, try focusing on what you can do and move from there.  Start with a small does and move from there.  Get up and walk around the house.  Stand up and stretch.  You can do it!

Getting started is hard.  That’s true.  But call on your inner Warrior.  Take baby steps.  Start with 5 minutes.  Like we used to say in ultrarunning, start slow and back off.  If you want to take a class, just go.  Let go of vanity.  We all look funny moving around in a class.  A sense of humor is a great ally.  Remind yourself that you can stop any time.  There are no class police.  No one will arrest you for doing something different from what other people are doing. You don’t have to force anything.  Just stop when you need to.  Any movement is better than no movement at all.  Once you get started, it becomes that much easier to keep going.

The simple act of moving will help reduce your stress levels and improve your overall health.  It is almost guaranteed that you will feel better after you’re done than you did before you started.  And once you have the experience of knowing you can do it, draw on that strength to keep at it.  Changes can be subtle and sometimes we don’t notice them right way.  Don’t let that discourage you.  Just keep moving.  If you keep at it you will see a difference.