The Way Forward

In last week’s blog post I talked about acknowledging changes in our lives and finding the resilience necessary to accept the changes and adapt to the new reality whatever it might be.  Acceptance is the first step toward moving forward.  But what comes after that?  Depending on the type of setback, it’s length, your age and a host of other variables, the next steps will be different for each of us.

For some of us, the idea of returning to any kind of routine might seem impossible.  The change feels so great we may feel like the darkness is permanent and unyielding.  We can easily sabotage ourselves and become our own worst enemies.  For example, if you’ve fallen and suffered an injury you might develop a debilitating fear of a recurrence.  This might keep you from making even simple moves toward regaining your strength.  We’ve all heard the expression “get back on the horse that threw you”.  This can be a totally daunting prospect.  And, in fact, might not be appropriate in all cases.  Still, inertia can become a wall and finding a way through or around that wall can be overwhelming.  In previous blog posts I’ve often talked about the difficulty of resuming activity, especially exercise, after being away for a while for whatever reason.  Of course, it is important to take steps to avoid the circumstances caused the fall, but that shouldn’t become an excuse to stop you from all activities.

On the flip side of that coin, there are those of us who throw caution to the wind and get back on that horse way before we should.  Perhaps we have not fully recovered from the injury, illness or whatever precipitated a change in our lives.  Some of us might even have the hubris to believe that our case is special and the usual rules don’t apply.  This type of thinking might lead one into that “danger zone” referred to in an earlier post when your energy begins to feel restored and you start to feel like your former self again.  This is a place I know all too well.  The desire to return to the way things were overshadows the reality of the way things are.  Returning too quickly can lead to discouraging setbacks.  At best, the process of recovery will take that much longer or, at worst, may be jeopardized altogether.

Actually both cases call for the same prescription – courage, patience and above all the decision to go on with your life taking whatever baby steps are necessary to follow through on that choice.  Interestingly, in my opinion the same leap of faith is required wherever you’re at.  If you are the fearful type described above, the decision means taking that first dangerous step back into your life no matter how scary that might be.  If you want to start moving again, the first step is the hardest.

After my back surgery a physical therapist gave me some exercises to do right away.  They were pretty simple movements, but they were difficult at first.  Among them was the suggestion to walk for 5 minutes several times a day.  For a person who used to run ultramarathons that might sound easy, but just getting up and overcoming the initial stress of moving was itself a formidable task.  My doctor had given me the simple instruction, “If it hurts, stop; if you think it’s going to hurt, don’t do it.”  Sounds reasonable enough, right?  For the fearful person, that initial hurt might be enough to encourage stopping altogether.  In fact, I even found myself thinking I would never overcome that initial discomfort.  But what I discovered was that if I just got started, I would eventually start to feel better.  If I began to feel pain I stopped for a few minutes.  The pain would usually stop and I could resume the walk.  Or I could simply try again later.  I would set a timer for 5 minutes, stop it when I needed to wait for pain to subside and start it again when I started walking again.  It might take me half an hour to do 5 minutes worth of walking but I quickly learned that the more I walked, the easier it got.  I noticed too that once I got going and my body adjusted to the movement, the initial soreness would usually subside.

Our bodies are made for movement.  Fortunately, the medical profession has recognized that movement following a trauma like surgery is actually beneficial.  Anyone who has had surgery recently knows that patients are required to get up and move as soon as possible.  Although rest and sleep are important to the healing process, retraining your body to move as much as it can is also essential.  Still it’s not easy to overcome the many excuses that loom in front of the starting line.  That’s where the decision-making process comes in.  Making that decision to try to move even for a few minutes takes courage.  Beyond that is the resolve to follow through even if it the first few efforts are unsuccessful.  I knew the physical therapist would not have told me to walk if it wasn’t the right thing to do.  But I also knew I had to abide by my doc’s advice and stop if it hurt.  Even that was hard for me having been a person schooled in the old notion of “no pain, no gain.”  So both starting and stopping required decisions.  I had to consciously remind myself that extremes in either direction would not help my recovery.  That meant believing that I would, in fact, recover and that the directions given provided the road map to get there.

Bottom line – moving forward is not rocket science.  Have patience and be kind to yourself.  Do what is recommended and stick to it until you’ve healed.  After that be mindful in all your activities and avoid being careless, head strong or just plain stupid.  If it hurts, stop; if you think it’s going to hurt don’t do it.  That’s not an invitation to do nothing.  It just means pay attention.  Simple, right?  But not easy.

Making the decision and taking that first step is the hardest part.  Especially if you’re not used to moving in the first place.  If you keep at it, no matter what you are doing will get easier.  Although we often think of stress as a negative, your body needs a certain amount of stress to adapt to a change.  The trick is to know when to back off.  As acknowledged in last week’s post, life may be different after a set-back.  Those differences need to be honored.  But that shouldn’t be a license to drop out.  No matter what has changed, there will still be things you can do.  Give those positives a chance to shine and they will lead you forward.

Celebrating Sameness

We all began as children

This morning I listened again to one of my favorite podcasts:  “The Biology of Spirit“, an interview with Dr. Sherwin Nuland from the weekly radio program “On Being“.  I could easily fill this space with inspirational nuggets from this talk, but there were a few ideas that are particularly relevant to the kinds of topics we discuss in this blog.  For example, Dr. Nuland talks about some of the things that are universal among all human beings.  First, there is the biology. We are each constructed of approximately 75 trillion cells. Each one of those cells experiences an estimated 4 million cell divisions per minute.  Since it’s “impossible for the DNA to replicate perfectly each time, little mistakes are made.” That’s where the DNA repair molecule comes into play.  “It travels like a little motorboat up and down the DNA molecule. It finds errors, snips them out, corrects them, and puts the right thing back in there. This is the ultimate wisdom of the body.”   Think about that for a moment.  It’s quite a concept. All of this is happening without our even noticing and most of the time dangers are thwarted and equilibrium is restored.  The human body is truly amazing!  We abuse it in so many ways and yet it still works so hard for us. So often we tend to focus on its shortcomings when we should be marvelling at how much it does right.

Having spent his professional career dealing with ways in which things go wrong, Dr. Nuland has developed “an enormously healthy respect for normal”.  He describes what it’s like to be “in surgery and you look inside an abdomen and realize how many things could go haywire and they don’t. . .  everything is just humming along beautifully, nobody is running it.”  How incredibly miraculous!  And this is true of all of us – regardless of race, religion, country of birth, political views, background, what we look like to each other – whatever differences you can think of, these are ways in which we are all the same.

It’s not just physical.  Dr. Nuland also reminds us that “pain and response to pain is a universal thing, it helps explain so many things about others, just as it explains so much about yourself. . . .It teaches you a sort of understanding.”  Recently I was talking with my family doctor about how my own pain has given me a new understanding of what it’s like for other people in similar circumstances.  We may not want to think about negative emotions or sensations like pain, or sorrow, or even guilt or embarrassment but it can be comforting to recognize that these are universal experiences. The fact is we all – yes, all! – feel these things at one time or another. Fear of people who seem different from us may lead us to make judgments. We think that such a person doesn’t have feelings like we do. Or perhaps that person doesn’t care about the same things we do. But chances are if we really got to know that other person, we would find that their fears and concerns are similar to our own and in the end they want the same things we do.  It doesn’t matter who you are or where you’re from or what you believe, we all want to feel secure, take care of our families, have a safe place to live and enough to eat.  These are universal qualities.

Similarly, we often feel as though our own suffering is unique. It tends to keep us isolated. We become reluctant to make our feelings known for fear that we will be rejected by others as somehow deficient. But one of the eternal truths of life is that everyone suffers in one way or another. The epigraph, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle” is mentioned during this interview.  When we take that dangerous leap of bridging the gulf of fear that separates us, we learn that everyone has a story and no one escapes its scars. It can be comforting to realize that no matter what we experience, there are billions of others who are or have experienced the same thing.  Dr. Nuland says, “You know what everybody needs? You want to put it in a single word? Everybody needs to be understood.”

As human beings, Dr. Nuland theorizes, with the capacity to process information in a unique way we seem to have an “awareness of the closeness of chaos”.  He thinks this is partially because of the complexity of the biological processes that are constantly occurring within every one of our cells. But it also could be related to our awareness of our own fragility. Despite our unwillingness as a society to address the finite nature of our existence, we are reminded daily that nothing lasts forever. Still all of our biological processes are geared towards detecting and attempting to eradicate threats to survival. In fact, even the ancient Greek philosophers “without knowing anything about cells or anything about how the body really worked, [understood that] we live in chaos and seek the reassurance of stability.”  We all seek harmony, order, and integrity as well as unity and predictability. Predictability is elusive, though, so most of us construct a series of habits, routines and patterns that make up a comfort zone.  This can become so familiar that we find it difficult to let go even when change might be in our best interests. As uncomfortable as pain or obsessional thoughts might be they are the devil we know.  Dr. Nuland puts it this way: “They represent a sort of comfortable familiar thing that I could come back to. It’s almost as if they represented family. And it’s hard to give those things up.” Part of that is fear of the unknown. If I let go of this feeling, what will replace it? Change also means loss.  Maybe its something we’re better off without, but we don’t know that until we get to the other side. It takes a leap of faith to believe that the other side will be OK.

At times of change, we would all do well to remember all of the times in the past that we have weathered a change that forced us out of our comfort zone.  Everyone reading this can probably think of a time in their lives when this has happened. In most cases the change has at the very least been a learning experience, but also it has probably brought about unexpected results which never could have been anticipated ahead of time.  I know this is true for me.

So if you’re contemplating making a change in your life, or if a change is being forced upon you due to circumstances beyond your control, it might help to remind yourself that there are many other people who are now or have experienced the same thing you are going through. Dr. Nuland says, “The brain has a way of evaluating what is best for the organism.” Although we as humans sometimes ignore what we know is best and manage to rationalize choosing another direction, we also know that “when we choose what is best for the organism, it will usually make us feel really good.” It might also help to remember that no matter what is changing there are a zillion other people faced with the same choices and experiencing the same dilemmas as you. Try remembering that each person you see has the same 75 trillion cells that you do and each one of them is engaged in the process of survival just like you.  We are all part of the big club of human beings.  There is comfort in belonging.