change – Page 5 – Mile High Pilates and Yoga

milehighacceptingopti92516 — Reinforcing Self-Acceptance

By Peg Ryan
Mile High Pilates and Yoga

As some of you know, I am a major podcast fan. It’s one of the main ways in which I stay connected even while living in a rural area. I often say that the things I am most grateful for (not necessarily in order) are:

a caring husband and extended family;
the amazing and wondrous community that has so graciously folded me in here in the Black Hills giving me unconditional love, support and healing without my asking;
yoga and Pilates – I categorize them as one “thing” since they have both provided me with life-sustaining and strengthening practices; and
finally – podcasts!

Of course, there are many other things for which I am grateful including a nice place to live and the means to have everything I need. But the items above provide an essential source of support and assistance on a daily basis.

It may seem like podcasts don’t belong in such an auspicious list, but they have become a huge part of my life. Although I have always been an avid reader, podcasts have broadened my world in ways that I have not experienced since my college days many years ago. In case you don’t know what a podcast is, it is defined by Google as “A digital audio file made available on the Internet for downloading to a computer or portable media player, typically available as a series, new installments of which can be received by subscribers automatically.”

This morning I was listening to a podcast produced by the New York Times Book Review. This episode included an interview with author Meghan Daum who was recently hired by the NY Times to write a regular column on memoirs. During the interview Ms. Daum referenced a memoir she had written titled Life Would be Perfect if I Lived in That House. Admittedly I have not yet read this book. So I don’t really know what it’s about. But I loved the title! All of us can probably relate to it on some level. How many times have we wistfully thought, “if only I looked like her, or had his skills, or had a better job, or wasn’t so sick or had more money, etc. etc. etc.” Life would be so great if only this one thing were true. A variation of this sounds like, “when this happens, then I will be able to do that”. You can fill in your own version of “this” and “that”. And still another variation is “I could have been like X” or “I should be like Y”. A man I knew many years ago used to speak of the futility of “could’ve, would’ve, should’ve, if’s, and’s and but’s”. You may have also heard the term “machine gun but’s” which sound like “but, but, but, but . . . etc.” You know the drill. This type of thinking is basically code for “I wish things were different than they are.”

Many years ago I learned a valuable lesson. In a time of turmoil in my own life, I met a woman who seemed to perfect. She always looked serene and confident. She had a beautiful home, a loving husband, and charming young son. I thought, “If I was like her all my problems would go away and I would have nothing to worry about.” But as I got to know her better I was surprised to find that what I thought was so perfect had many huge flaws. There may have been external traits that thought I wanted, but beneath the surface lay a multitude of things I was so grateful that I didn’t have. It gave me a new appreciation for my own life despite its barnacles. Since that time I have found this to be true in every instance where I thought that someone else was experiencing some form of perceived perfection that seemed to elude me. The bottom line is that we all have flaws and we all have gifts. Our task is to celebrate the gifts and accept the flaws. Some can be addressed, others can’t. When it can’t be eliminated try to find a way to work with it or around it. Get out of your own way. Lamenting and complaining won’t solve the problem.

So here’s the deal: things are what they are. Of course, everything is always in a state of flux. Change is constant. But the way things change is generally unpredictable. People may think they can predict how things will change. And it may be a good idea to prepare for some potential changes, like weather or aging. But there is no way to know what will actually happen in the future until we get there. We can plan, but not predict. Sometimes things work out the way we expect, but often they don’t. So even as we prepare, we need to be ready for reality, whatever that happens to be. The more we can trust our ability to handle that reality, the less anxiety thoughts of the future will give us.

This week I heard two other quotes that inspired me: one was from Denver yoga teacher Jackie Casal Mahrou who said “Approach your yoga practice as an opportunity to surrender instead of struggle.” The other comes from Kundalini yogi Gurmukh: “Yoga is about self-acceptance, not self-improvement”. Of course self-improvement might result, but that’s a side benefit. Self-acceptance is the first goal.

Practicing yoga or Pilates or any discipline that connects mind and body will give you an opportunity to focus even for a short time on the current moment. So if you’re coming to a class worried that your version of the poses won’t be “right” or might be difficult or look different from what others in the class look like, stop worrying. Be who you are. Right now, this moment, you are everything you need to be. One of the best ways to practice yoga or Pilates or walking or any activity you want to do is to simply show up. Another Kundalini tenet offered by Yogi Bhajan as part of the Five Sutras of the Aquarian Age is “start and the pressure will be off.” Starting is the hard part. Once you start you can let go of your fears. One of the participants in my yoga class this week said, “During this class I was able to focus completely on what I was doing for about half of the class.” That’s a tremendous success! Think how good it would feel to have even a brief break from regreting the past or worrying about the future. That relief is right here in this moment. All it takes is practice.

delicate balance — The Fine Line of Just Enough

By Peg Ryan
Mile High Pilates and Yoga

Custer, SD – In a culture that celebrates excess it can be difficult to find that balance between overdoing and knowing when enough is enough. Sometimes we fall into the trap of comparing ourselves with others. We see people around us who seem to always be accomplishing something. This can cause us to feel inadequate. It’s tempting to focus on all the things we think we should be doing rather than seeing all the things we actually are doing. All of us have different abilities, but we each have our own unique gifts.

A dear friend of mine recently lamented that she was unable to make it to the top of a mountain she was hiking. This woman has accomplished a multitude of hiking feats throughout a still very active life. Among these achievements she has successfully summited all 48 of the 4,000 foot peaks in the White Mountain National Forest not once, but twice! This might not sound like much to those who have hiked the Colorado 14’ers or even higher peaks around the world, but that’s not the point. The point is, this woman set her sights on a goal, achieved that goal and then helped her friends to do the same. This same woman has finished many ultramarathons including numerous 50K, 50 mile and even 100-mile foot races. All of these efforts will always be there as part of her history. No one can ever take them away regardless of how her physical capacity changes with age. She does not have to prove anything to anyone (herself included!) because she’s already been there and done that.

Years ago when I was running ultramarathons I once ran a 50K race in which I was the only woman in my age group. It turned out that, in fact, no woman in my age group had ever completed that particular race. So my finishing time was actually a “record” for women in my age group. That was the final year for that particular race. The course was changed the following year. So the Race Director joked that my “record” would always stand. There would be no chance for anyone to break it. What a hoot! I still chuckle when I think of that. My time in that race would never qualify me for the Olympics but so what? It was enough to be a record and it will always be mine.

We live in a hyper-competitive society. Everyone wants to be a winner. “Don’t rest on your laurels”, we are told. It’s true that striving to be your best you can be a noble effort. But sometimes we get caught up in the striving and ignore what we have already accomplished and what we can still do. Just like everything else in the world our “best” is always changing. By being present in the moment we can acknowledge what is working for us now. What we did in the past will always be there. Nothing in the past can ever change. None of us knows what is going to happen tomorrow. All we can know is what is true right now. And our “best” today is the best there is. No need for more. It is enough.

No matter what used to be or might still be to come, there are so many things we are all capable of right now in this moment. Among the things I love most about yoga and Pilates is that they are endlessly adaptable to one’s capacity in any given moment. Some days we feel good, other days we might feel tired or stressed. Perhaps we might be suffering from some excess of previous days or recovering from illness or injury. Then there are times when we might be feeling strong and suddenly find ourselves completely stymied by some seemingly minor obstacle. This can be especially frustrating. The cloud of self-doubt begins to loom overhead and we might be tempted to succumb to the fog. No matter what we are presented with on any given day, though, we can still bring ourselves to our practice and allow whatever happens to be as it is. Don’t give up the practice just because you think you should somehow be doing more. As I have frequently said throughout this blog, showing up is half the battle. If you come to your practice, regardless of what condition you are in physically or mentally, you have already succeeded. Drop the word “should” from your vocabulary and substitute “I am complete and I am here now”. Let that be your mantra.

There is a place of balance between the need to overachieve or live up to some invented ideal and the acceptance of where you are at today. Wherever that is, it is the right place. Tomorrow will be different. But you can deal with that when you get there. For today you are enough just as you are and whatever you do is just enough.