This morning I checked the outdoor thermometer and saw that it read 9 degrees.  The wind was howling through the trees as they swayed to the sounds sending cascades of snow in clouds through the air.  Still the sun was out, although it was having no effect on the snow-covered ground.  Although 9 degrees is, indeed, cold it was still a major improvement over the -20 degree reading of yesterday. (That’s right: 20 degrees below zero!) After a mesmerizing extended Fall, winter has clearly arrived.

During the winter my mantra has always been “There is no bad weather; there are only poor clothing choices.”  I know how to dress for the cold and I usually enjoy being outdoors regardless of the weather.  But I’ve had a couple of relentlessly busy weeks that have left me feeling tired and sore.  Still, deciding not to go out for some kind of exercise is a major hurdle for me.

In this blog I spend a lot of time addressing those of you who need some extra prodding to maintain a consistent exercise practice.  Most people can easily talk themselves out of exercise for any reason or no reason at all.  Reminders of how to overcome those objections and stay motivated are helpful and necessary.  However, there are some of us, myself included, who need the opposite motivation –  permission to rest.

So today’s message is for the over-doers who adhere to their own internal schedules no matter what their bodies may be telling them.  Both over- and under-exercisers generally suffer from a similar problem – lack of balance.  We are the essence of extremes on one side or the other.  In the philosophies of traditional medicine there are the concepts of yin and yang.  These are terms for the fundamental principle that all things exist as inseparable and contradictory opposites.  For example, there is light and dark, masculine and feminine, night and day, warmth and cold, positive and negative, etc.  Theoretically all of these opposites exist to varying degrees in everything. Within ourselves balancing these opposing forces requires attention and effort.  An article in Yoga Journal titled “Staying Healthy During Winter” talks about these two energies and how we tend to buck them at this time of year in particular.  Winter should be a season for hunkering down and conserving energy.  Yet we seem to find ourselves doing exactly the opposite during the holiday season.

For over-achievers, this is not just a holiday problem, but a chronic condition.  Even when we commit to slowing down, we find ourselves gradually falling back into the old groove: over-scheduling,  making too many commitments and still trying to maintain our own physical well-being.  We rationalize and tell ourselves convincing stories about how we really have slowed down.  Eventually, though, if we actually face reality, the stories begin to hollow out.  Something has to give.  For me, it begins with my attitude.  I find myself becoming tense and irritable.  Little things that usually don’t bother me get on my nerves. Physical manifestations come next.  Simple movements become difficult.  This makes me unhappy which fuels more tension and irritability.  A vicious cycle ensues.  A dear friend of mine says that most of us won’t change anything until the need is “right in front of your face” and you can’t get past the wall it creates without accepting change.  It might be as simple as a change of attitude.  But usually by the time the cycle becomes that extreme, a stronger change is needed.  For an over-doer, that can mean actually stopping and accepting the need for rest no matter how foreign that concept might seem.

Rest is an alien concept for some of us.  But rest can also be taken to extremes.  As I’ve said many times in this blog there is a danger in resting too much.  It can become so difficult to get moving again that inertia takes over and decline begins.  Another vicious cycle: the less you move, the less you want to move so motivation to start moving again becomes that much more difficult. Once again, it is a matter of balance.  Finding that balance between rest and activity is a delicate dance.  Rest might not mean staying in bed or sitting on the couch.  It might mean simply changing your routine or at least becoming more mindful about the choices you make.  Perhaps a particular activity is causing pain.  Instead of automatically adhering to your daily running routine regardless of how your body is feeling, try allowing yourself a shorter, slower session or eliminating the offending activity entirely.  Maybe try walking instead of running, or hiking a flat stretch instead of a strenuous hill climb.  This morning I opted for a gentle restorative yoga session instead of piling on the clothing and pushing myself outdoors.  For an over-doer, active rest like this might be enough to slow things down and encourage balance.

But sometimes what feels like slowing down might not be enough. There are times when extra sleep or sitting with your feet up might be the right prescription. Prioritizing commitments and deciding what is really important and what can be released is another way to face reality and take care of your own energy.  Learn to say “no” by considering honestly what you might have to sacrifice if you don’t.  Taking the time to weigh the pros and cons of any action can be a useful and surprising exercise. Another friend of mine talks about how protective she is of her time, especially as she ages.  Time is a finite commodity for humans.  Having the option to decide how to spend it is an important gift not to be taken lightly.  That choice might be taken from us at any time or at least limited by circumstances beyond our control.  It is incumbent upon us to use that decision-making capability wisely and thoughtfully.

When I first discovered running and the endorphin rush it gave me, it became almost an addiction.  If I had to take a day or two off for any reason I would become anxious, fearful that I would lose the gains I had made and have difficulty getting them back.  It took many years and assorted injuries and other challenges to finally convince me that it was OK to back off every now and then.  These days I am better about accepting my limitations, but I still can fall into the trap of over-doing and expecting too much of myself.  There is another good article in Yoga Journal on this subject called “Being vs. Doing” which is definitely worth checking out for all you over-doers.

Finding that balance is different for each of us and one more aspect of life that is always changing. Just when you think you’ve found the right mix circumstances change and adjustments are once again needed.  A good place to start is to be honest about your current reality.  Accept where you’re at today and find the rhythm that works for you right now. That in itself requires daily practice since it will probably be different tomorrow.

Recently I gave a birthday card to a friend which featured an elderly woman wearing stereotypical motorcycle gear including black leather jacket and hat complete with metal studs.  The message on the cover was something like “We’re young enough to be rebels” followed by the punch line inside: “but old enough not to give a crap!”  We had a good chuckle over this sentiment, but it got me to thinking.  How many of us really get to a point where we stop caring what other people think? Of course, there are some of us who have never cared.  Personally I admire those free spirits.  But most of us have public perception so deeply ingrained in our psyches that it is difficult to avoid dancing through our lives to someone else’s tune.  Even if we manage to avoid the trap of wondering “how will this look to others?”, we often create arbitrary standards for ourselves by which we gauge our actions or appearance.  We berate ourselves when we fall short and feel pleased when we meet the measurement only to be disappointed when we find it difficult to sustain.  We’re all guilty of this at one time or another, myself very much included.

Another friend recently described an incident in which she found herself running through a crowd trying to catch up with a group she was with that had moved on without her.  “I was so embarrassed!” she said as she recounted the story. “What if I had tripped and stumbled or fallen?”  Thankfully, she didn’t.  And she did manage to reunite with her group.  But I could not help but wonder why this should be embarrassing.  The fact that she could run at all was, to me, something to celebrate rather than something to hide.  And even if she had slipped, someone in the crowd would certainly have helped her.  In my opinion, the fear of “looking silly” limited her freedom.  Instead of enjoying that run, she probably just wanted to get it over with hoping that no one would notice.  Our society places a high value on the concept of freedom and yet as individuals we consistently limit our own.

Sometimes the fear of being judged by others can, unfortunately, be justified.  It never ceases to amaze me how easily people are willing to condemn perfect strangers based on nothing more than third party hearsay.  Judgments can be pronounced without any personal knowledge of the individual being judged or the circumstances that person finds themselves in.  Our modern society seems to be particularly segmented these days with people forming like-minded groups and listening only to those that agree with them.  Regrettably, this is not a new phenomenon.  It has been going on for as long as humans have engaged in social structures.  In fact, it may well be the reason we all have built-in judgment meters. Centuries of rules and standards of behavior have been established to mark the differences among tribes. These standards have given people observable methods for determining who is like me (safe) and who is different from me (dangerous). It has been programmed into our DNA to abide by the rules others have laid out.

But I digress. This article is not about the rules societies need to survive and thrive. Instead I’m referring here to those quirky internal rules we think we need to follow that are more related to perception than they are to survival. In fact, rather than contributing to our well-being, these rules can instead be a source of resentment and self-destruction. Still there is an upside.  Since we created these rules, we have the power to change them.

Here is something to keep in mind when you’re worrying about how others will view you:  most people are so focussed on themselves that they won’t even notice what you’re doing.  Which brings me back to my favorite topic:  exercise. These ideas, though, can apply to anything done in groups or in public.  In general, whatever it is that concerns you, the person next to you is probably worrying about the same thing. Or maybe something completely different, but whatever they are thinking it is probably not about you. The stress you create for yourself by stewing about what you look like is keeping you from paying attention to the movement itself, how it feels and the positive benefits it is providing for you.  It also keeps you from experiencing the freedom of customizing the rules and moving in a way that is uniquely your own.

In the days when I was running I knew that my biomechanics and body type would probably never allow me to become a really fast runner.  Once when I asked a shoe salesman if he could recommend a style suitable for my foot type and running style he said, “There really isn’t anything.  Most people with those characteristics find it too painful to run.” As discouraging as that sounded, it did not keep me from running.  I ran for the love of running, not because I ever expected to be any good at it.  I learned to do the best I could with what I had to work with regardless of how it looked.  When injury and other circumstances meant that I could no longer sustain running, I changed my goals and found other ways to continue moving that have been just as satisfying.  Goals are an important motivating force, but all goals need to be flexible.  Everything is always changing.  Goals and the rules we establish to get to them should always be adaptable to changing circumstances.

One more thing to remember – we are all individuals with our own gifts, characteristics and idiosyncrasies but ultimately we are also interconnected.  Despite our fear of “the other”, we all have more in common than we might recognize. Everyone wants to survive; everyone wants to be loved.  We all need the basic elements of survival – food, shelter, etc. – and we all want to provide for ourselves, our families and loved ones.  Similarly everyone has experienced their own trials, mistakes, regrets or other foibles.  No one is exempt, no matter how perfect they appear or how good their lives look to us from the outside.  So do your own thing and stop worrying. If you stumble, have some compassion for yourself Pick yourself up and keep moving. The person next to you has had their own stumbles and knows what it feels like.